Have I told you, lately?

No, I haven't. For reasons both silly and serious, I haven't posted anything here lately, in nearly a year in fact. And while I ponder what to write about in the next few weeks (Tinder, I'm coming for you), I thought I'd fill you in on what else I haven't done lately.

I haven't made out with anyone. This bums me out. I love making out. I'm excellent at making out. You know those car share things where you pay a small fee, you locate the car closest to you, you use it for a bit and then return it safe and sound? I would sign up for that, only with a makeout partner. I'd bring him back without a scratch, promise.

I haven't made dinner for anyone. When my friends and I get together, we eat 14 different appetizers and then complain about eating 14 different appetizers. But from scratch, using every pot and pan and weird kitchen appliance in my house? Nope. I paid far too much money for a cooking class in Tuscany to not be making homemade pasta once in a while.

I haven't snuggled a newborn. My little pal Henry is nearly 18 months old, so my friends need to get on that. Or, someone needs to get me a kitten.

I haven't added a tattoo. I think at least two more are likely, but I'm now both old enough and pragmatic enough to fret about placement. You start to consider things like how that beautiful peony you've been imagining is going to look after a hip replacement, for instance.

I haven't stayed up all night, drinking too much wine and telling stories I haven't thought about in years. Sure, I've stayed up all night, but insomnia and my dad being in a coma don't really count. Besides, they don't let you drink wine in the ICU, which I think should be under serious reconsideration. If you're going to pull me aside and say I should call my mom and tell her to come, you could at least hand me a nice pinot first. Dad's doing okay, by the way, lest you think I'm a massive asshole.

I haven't vaccuumed the couch in the den. So if you're coming over, for the love of fuck don't wear black pants. #cats

I haven't watched The Hunt for Red October. I know this seems random, but I love that movie. I've seen it more times than some people have seen that Trivago commercial. Seriously, dude, put a belt on. 

I'm sure there are plenty of other things, but those are off the top of my head. And don't feel like I'm missing out - there's plenty of stuff I have done. I've celebrated with a dear friend at her wedding (oh, did I celebrate), seen the fantastic "David Bowie Is" exhibition, taken a road trip through the Rockies to the Okanagan, hung out with some great new people, spent 10 days in London.

Now if I could just get that making out thing back in the rotation, that'd be awesome.