Missed connections

A friend was at a dinner party recently, and found herself seated next to a man she'd never met. He was engaging, witty, attentive -  all the things you'd want in a dinner companion. She felt a very strong connection between them. And then, towards the end of the meal, he stood up. He was much shorter than she'd expected. She immediately questioned whether the connection she felt was as strong as she'd first thought.

Hey, we all have things we think are non-negotiable. For some, it's height. For others, it's age, or  whether someone has been married before, or even their taste in music or tv or movies. You know who you are. But feeling a connection to someone is so wondrous when it happens, shouldn't it be worth negotiating? Even if that means wearing the occasional pair of  flat shoes? Or going to a movie with both "fast" and "furious" in the title? FYI - one of those is a trick question.

In my 20s, I felt that bond more than once. And back then, I didn't hesitate when I felt it; I took a flying leap towards it as only an invincible 20-something can. Turns out it wasn't always a connection; sometimes, it was horniness. But at the time, I justified my occasionally questionable choices by saying things like "but we have such an amazing connection..." You know what? We usually didn't.

Half a lifetime later, I now realize what real connection is, and how rare it can be. So when we're lucky enough to feel it, why do we, more often than not, run from it, or talk ourselves out of it, instead of leaping towards it? It's not because someone is too short, or has an ex-wife, or thinks Anderson Cooper is overrated (as if). It's not about our non-negotiables. Not really. It's because we've learned it's easier to be huge fucking chickens. And really, telling someone you "feel a connection" to them all seems a bit too Stephenie Meyer for those of us well past our Twilight years. But I think we often end up selling ourselves short (no pun intended). What if that feeling is the universe (or, more likely, our gut) pushing us to take a chance?

Except...sometimes my gut is a damn liar. I know the few times as an honest to goodness adult I've felt "it", thrown my hard-earned caution to the wind and climbed out there on the ledge, it has not gone so well. There's a reason this blog isn't called "You say completely fulfilled like it's a bad thing". Those few times, I've regretted it. But you know what? I'd regret not climbing out on that ledge more. So once in a great while, I trust my gut, pathological little bitch that it is, and I put myself out there, teetering somewhere between humiliation and hopefulness. And if, like the times before,  it turns out to be less a connection and more a rejection, it'll make a good story at your next dinner party. Just don't put me next to someone who thinks Anderson is overrated.