The most wonderful time of the year

For the next few weeks, I'll be spending my evenings looking for a new boyfriend. I'm going to try out several, give them an hour, maybe two, each, and see if there's a connection that'll last until spring. It could be a new guy, it may be a guy I've known for a while who's never really knocked my knees until now. Yes, for the next several days, I'm a new tv season whore.

I have a checkered history of television boyfriends, fictional characters who caught my eye and made me want to live my life in serialized chunks 22 weeks of the year, sometimes in towns I couldn't find on Google Earth. Sure, they may be only two dimensional, but when it comes to relationships, that's not exactly uncharted territory for me. Two dimensions might be an improvement. Here's a far from comprehensive list of my fictional beaux, men who had me at "a very special episode" and left me wanting more once May sweeps were over.

Nate Fisher - "Six Feet Under". He wasn't really my type: a bit too laid back, unfocused, no drive. And from the moment I met him, I knew his fucked-upness would come between us. Yet I couldn't help myself. He was incredibly hot, wore his stubble very well, and was willing to have sex in an airport, which earned him major points. He was sadly taken from me far too soon. Quite tragic - I heard it drove his brother to become a serial killer.

Ari Gold - "Entourage". I hate myself a little, and perhaps "boyfriend" might be a bit of a stretch, and I probably wouldn't tell my friends, but I so would. Ideally at the Beverly Hills Hotel, in a suite, under an assumed name, with room service champagne on speed dial. There's just something about a man in a $4000 suit spouting profanity that gets me hot. He swears really, really well. Plus, his assistant Lloyd and I could go have sushi and be total bitches on his expense account if he got caught up in a pitch meeting for Medellin II or something.

Dr. Doug Ross - "E.R.". So good-looking. So charming. His twinkly eyes and irresistible grin made Thursdays my favourite day of the week for five years. Sure, he had a problem with authority, but he specialized in pediatrics, so he liked kids. But under the charm lurked an unfaithful, emotionally withholding committment-phobe. Come to think of it, I think I did actually date him. He also looked really good wet. I briefly considered getting myself stuck in a storm drain with some kid just so he could rescue me, but with my luck it would be his ass of a colleague Dr. Benton on call.

Jack Bauer - "24". He has the hands down sexiest voice. He would unquestionably defend my honour in a bar fight, which is all kinds of hot, but I worry that instead of just punching the guy, his tendency would be to shoot him. He does that. He was away a lot, though (infiltrating a Mexican drug cartel, confined to a Chinese prison), and even though I like my alone time, those sorts of long distance relationships just don't work. Plus, style is important to me, and I got tired of him wearing the same damn thing all the time.

Luke Danes - "Gilmore Girls". It took me several years to meet him, even though my friend Julie swore we'd hit it off. Finally, I let her introduce us via box set. Such a meet cute. I'd never really been a fan of the backwards baseball cap, but his slight scruff and his way with a well-fitting pair of jeans quickly won me over. Plus, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, he owned his own restaurant, and he was perfectly capable of fixing stuff around the house, which at the time was very high on my criteria for suitable boyfriends, fictional or otherwise. And let's face it - any guy who has 24/7 access to homemade pie pretty much doesn't even need to walk me home.

Josh Lyman - "The West Wing". Ah, Josh. Joshua. Deputy White House Chief of Staff. The more I think about it, the more I think he might be my all-time, hall of fame, number one television boyfriend. His way with words, his wit, his cocky grin, and his brain, always his brain. And when was I ever going to get another crack at joining the mile-high club on Air Force One? I think his colleague C.J. Cregg and I would have become fast friends if he'd introduced us. I did spend the occasional evening worrying about him asking me to a State Dinner; I wouldn't have a thing to wear.

It's a little early in the new season to put all my affections in one basket. But there are some prospects: Steve McGarrett from the new Hawaii Five-O looks promising (Hawaii=swim trunks). And the male lead on the new show "Undercovers", which doesn't even air until later tonight, is a spy turned caterer turned spy again. He sounds like just my type. Plus - have you seen him in the promos? He's so hot he could be playing a cross-dressing tax accountant with mommy issues who dabbles in necrophilia and I'd at least let him get to second base on our first date.

So many men; so little space on the pvr. For this single girl, for the next week or so, the most important battery powered device in this house is my remote control.