It's the little things

I read a hilarious column recently by an engaged guy who revealed some of the moments when he knew a girl was not  "The One". On one occasion, the belief the Ewoks were the best thing about "Star Wars"  was the straw that broke the Wookie's back. It seems that it's often the little things (or, in his case, the little furry things), and not the bigger picture, that make us see the light. And sometimes, the little things become a bigger picture. Sort of a mosaic of assholery. And occasionally, knowing he's not the one can be as obvious as writing on the wall. Or on the piece of paper on his coffee table. The one with the other girl's phone number.   

Not the ones:

1) The guy who calls on a Friday evening to see if you want to come over, but gets your voice mail and leaves a message. You call back less than 20 minutes later. No answer. No return call. You see him bright and early the next morning at your favourite brunch spot. With another girl. Having the Eggs Benedict Arnold, presumably.

2) The guy you've just capped off a great evening with back at his place. While you blow out the candles and clear away the wine glasses, he excuses himself for a moment. You notice the phone cord snaking under the bathroom door. Oddly, the pizza delivery guy doesn't show.

3) The guy who asks someone else to dance during "Stairway to Heaven". Granted, it was grade 9, but even then, I knew.

4) The guy who comes to visit for the first time in ages. You go for drinks, chat, happy to be in each other's company. Then he leans across the table and says "have you ever had someone who just gets under your skin and you can't get them out?" You think "Wow, this is so unexpected. Is he finally going to say it? Remain calm." You say "Yes, I have, actually..." He says "Yeah, this girl I just broke up with, she is..."

5) The guy who invites you to visit for the weekend, then asks you on Sunday morning if you think you can change to an earlier flight, since he has plans to hang out with his ex-girlfriend.

6) The ex-boyfriend who agrees to be your date at an old friend's wedding. Promising, right? Wedding, fancy clothes, romance. Only he didn't tell you he can't stay for the reception, since he has plans back in the city. With the girl he just started seeing. And he's your drive.

7) The guy you've been dating for a month or so who asks out someone else. In front of you.

8) The guy you've been seeing non-exclusively but frequently for a few months. Some mutual friends are getting together, but he can't join you because he has a date. Then he ends up making an appearance. With the date. He asks you if you want to go see a band with them. Him and his date. You decline. He looks perplexed; don't you love that band?

9) The guy who stops a conversation mid-sentence to literally turn away from you and watch another woman walk down the street.

10) The guy who says "you don't tell people about us, do you?" Followed a few hours later by asking you to deliver a wedding gift to mutual friends. If people aren't supposed to know you've seen each other recently, let alone in your underpants, how did you get the wedding gift in the first place?

Sometimes, it's the thing you never saw coming. Sometimes, it's the thing you absolutely expected. And sometimes, it's Ewoks. Oh - and just in case you're thinking I've known a lot of jerks, I haven't. You didn't think these were ten different guys, did you? Nope, just a few.  And I don't think any of them are bad guys; they just weren't the ones for me. Sometimes, it takes a few tries before you can clearly see that writing on the wall.